She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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