And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
