Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
