I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
