Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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