Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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