Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
