I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
