So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
