I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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