and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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