Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
