I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
