I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
