Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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