He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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