Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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