there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
