I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Randomize
