Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
