yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
