doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
