my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
