I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
