non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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