its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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