i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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