i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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