my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
