i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I understand Curling. That high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
