Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I touched a dick in church today
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
