i don't like sucking hair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
