Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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