I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
