Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
