1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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