i love accidental penises.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
