morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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