i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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