Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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