So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
