Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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