If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
