Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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