Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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