no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need moral support for this bender
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again