Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts