Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.