He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.