Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i only shaved half my leg
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...