haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
