Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
