hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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