so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
