I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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