I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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