I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
