so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not ubering you a puppy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
