Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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