Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
