In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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