every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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