He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
