look no pants
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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