So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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