how can u be prego again
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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