woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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