As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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