She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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