cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't turn off my feet"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
